Commitment phobia can be simply defined as the dread or phobia to commit to anything but mostly to relationships. Commitment phobia varies in intensity. While some people have extreme commitment phobia issues, others may only have a mild fear of committing themselves to a relationship.
People find it extremely tiring and often frustrating being in a relationship with a commitment phobic. While men are more likely to be commitment phobic, even women have problems or phobia committing them-selves to a relationship.
A man with commitment phobia may start a new relationship on the right foot. However things begin to go awry when it comes to stabilizing the relationship and taking it to the next level. It is at this point that men with commitment phobia begin to dither. They begin to make excuses and say hurtful things with the intention of sabotaging or ending the relationship.
Signs of Commitment Phobia
There are many subtle signs which indicate whether the man in your life is commitment phobic or not. These signs will help women to decide whether to stay in the relationship and carry it to the next logical level or simply move on.
His Views on Relationships, Marriage and Commitment
A commitment phobic may be extremely forthright with his opinions regarding marriage in general. He may often say that he does not believe in marriage or may even share with his love interest his fear of being tied down in a relationship. Most women tend to simply ignore these remarks as just a flippant comment on their partners’ part. However a wise woman will definitely pay attention to these early warning signs and accordingly take a decision regarding the relationship.
A commitment phobic also happens to be a fast pursuer. He moves from one romantic relationship to another with great ease. He does not like being ‘tied down’ or ‘going steady’ in a relationship for too long. What he craves for is the excitement which comes with pursuing a new love interest. He fears being stuck in a relationship that has gone stale and lost the excitement which he may have experienced in the early days of dating.
He Prefers Long Distance Relationship
People with commitment phobias like long distance relationships. The reason for this is because they do not like to give all of their time to a single partner nor do they like to give their love interest an account of their daily activities or their whereabouts. Another reason why a person with commitment phobia likes a long distance relationship is because he fears that his partner may get too close to him and harbor expectations which he does not want to fulfill.
Regular Change of Address or Career
Has your man held a string of jobs in the past couple of years or has he been changing his residence frequently? If the answer is yes, then rest assured that you have fallen for a man with major commitment problems. A person who keeps moving from one job to another is showing another side of his commitment phobia. Like in a relationship this individual does not like to be tied down to the same job for more than a certain period of time.
Sudden Change or Last Minute Cancellation of Plans
Another sign that the man in your life is a commitment phobic is if he keeps changing or canceling plans at the last minute. People with commitment issues get cold feet as the date or time for a special event with a love interest approaches. A person with commitment phobia often uses his job as an excuse for canceling or changing plans for a date.
Extreme Unwillingness to Talk About the Future
A person who has commitment issues will have difficulty in talking about a shared future with his partner. While they like to enjoy and live life for the moment, they do not like to plan or think about the future. A person with commitment phobia will definitely try to change the conversation or may even get angry if his partner brings up plans about their future together. If you feel your partner is repeatedly turning down all conversation regarding life together in the future then you may be in a relationship with a man who is having major commitment problems.
Disinclination to Introduce You to His Family and Friends
A commitment phobic will try all possible ways to avoid having to introduce you to his immediate family and friends. If your guy has been repeatedly making silly excuses for not introducing you to his family, then it may be that he does not want to take the relationship any further. Have a frank talk with your partner and if you still feel that he is holding back on something then simply end the relationship and move on.
Being Too Much Of a Perfectionist
A commitment phobic normally takes perfectionism to illogical levels. He takes a long time to make any simple decision and often puts down his inability to make quick decisions to his need for perfectionism. However perfectionism is just a front normally used to hide his multiple insecurities as regards a relationship.
Displaying Extreme Anxiety
One of the surest ways to determine if your love interest is a commitment phobic or not is to casually introduce your thoughts on engagement of marriage into a conversation. Observe your partner carefully and see if he suddenly becomes uncomfortable or shows signs of extreme anxiety or nervousness. This is one of the best ways to understand if the man you are dating is actually serious about the relationship.
Unable to Relate to Married Friends’ Lives
A commitment phobic may often state that he finds his married friends’ lives utterly boring. People with commitment issues will also say that they are unable to see themselves in the roles of a husband and father. The reason for this inability to relate to married friends’ life is because they find routine extremely boring and cannot see themselves tied down to the same routine day in and day out.
Most men who suffer from extreme commitment phobias in their twenties and thirties often get over that phase by the time they hit their forties when they are ready to settle down and start a family. If you feel your commitment phobic boyfriend is beyond redemption the best decision for you is to end the relationship and simply move on.
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