There are different ways of communicating with children that parents follow. Children pick up ways of communication from adults, so it is necessary that as parents one follows the best style, which will help in the growth of a well integrated personality of a child.
Listen to me- or Else- The Authoritarian Pattern
This means that the parent is in-charge. She/he is the authority and controls the situation. Big and small decisions are taken by the authority figure and children are expected to follow instructions and obey without question. Order is usually maintained more easily when this is the basic pattern of relating to children. However, there is very little opportunity for initiative on the part of children or for them to decide and choose for themselves.
Children may either become submissive and obey the adult without question or become defiant /rebellious. For example: A parent says; “If you don’t put your toys immediately, you are going to get a beating.” The message the child receives it that, I have to listen because Mummy is more powerful than I am. Thus the feeling of resentment and annoyance arouses.
Its Alright-Do whatever you want to- The permissive Pattern
In this approach, the other extreme is seen. From complete control reflected in a rigid authoritarian approach, one shift to complete lack of control-license-freedom in the permissive approach. This approach is reflected in parent remarks or behavior such as: Whatever you do is alright; or parent ignoring a fist fight that is developing between the siblings.
There are children who visit your house, wanders around picking up things one after another; spilling something, breaking another and the parent don’t say a word. In an extremely permissive style of parenting, it is as though parents have no leadership to offer. Although they may provide specific help when asked, they usually stay out of everything. Children in this kind of parenting become insecure or dominating-always insisting on getting their way.
Let us see if we can sort this out together-The Democratic/ Participative Pattern
In this kind of style, the parent create s situation where children can be helped to take decisions about various things. Everybody’s needs are taken into account. Even when decisions are taken by the adult it is after a discussion where the children are taken into confidence and given reasons and explanations for why and how something has to be done.